I apologize for the delay in my writing, but I really needed some time to digest Thursday and Friday of last week.
Thursday, Marshall Pauling joined us at PSU for their second visit where we met in a lab on the 4th floor of NH. We had Matthew (the financial aid guy) return, and allowed the students a rather lengthy Q&A period mixed in with my showing them how to navigate the PSU website as a basic framework for navigating any college website. It really was quite a successful visit, and I was pleased with the class size. It is unfortunate that so many students left the class, but I think some really amazing things can happen in terms of the community since it is still so early in the school year.
Something I would like to work with the students on is the community building aspect, because I think it will do wonders for enhancing their discussions and in class time. Something I learned last year with a very quiet group I had was that all of the students you have are passionate, they are motivated by something and where the real challenge lies is not finding out what motivates them, but allowing them the confidence and comfort to volunteer that information. I remember when I was a teenager (which I guess beneficially in this case was not that long ago) I craved the opportunity to talk, but I was always worried that I would sound stupid or naive. I think when teens are quiet, it is easy to brush their silence off as apathy when really there is a chance that they are itching to talk but have been conditioned up until this point to not speak, and habits need practice to break. I don’t know what happens in the classroom, they could most certainly be working on all of what I mentioned to no avail, in which case I think an outsider like myself may have more luck because of my unfamiliarity.
It is almost comical how much I learn about myself through these visits, and when I left the meeting with MP last week I was convinced that I need to go back into therapy as soon as the term is over. Why? Well I won’t get into it too much here, but being in my early 20′s I struggle with problems of identity, and when a student asked me what ethnicity I am I replied quickly “my parents are Arabs” which, pardon my French, is a really effed up response to give. In fact, I am Arab too. I am just so used to being on high defense when people ask me where my name comes from or what ethnicity I am because of the negative or undesirable responses that the truth has elicited in the past that I wind up not really knowing how to respond, and sound totally confused with my answer, because in many ways I am really confused. In this respect, I am no different than these high school seniors who oftentimes struggle with the exact same problem: identity. I think planning some kind of activity around this would be useful.
To get back to business some of the topics of conversation with the students when the faculty and M were out of the room were:
- Tuition and student fees (we compared PSU to PCC)
- I shared my insight about other costs of attendance (I encouraged them, that if they were having trouble with affording the college of their dreams to seriously consider living OFF campus and saving a ton of money)… (I am in some ways vicariously living through them– especially the girl who is apply to Harvard– and want to assure that their dreams can be successful)
- We talked about rolling admissions versus annual admissions
- Requirements for attending PSU and Quick Entry forms
- The Writing Center (I encouraged them to use this resource when writing their personal statements for college and scholarships)
- I told them about how I failed my first term in school, but put it in an appropriate context
- I encouraged them to take 3 courses maximum their first term in school, even more preferable if their financial aid allows is to only take 2 courses.
Most of the students were engaged, there were a couple of eye rollers in the back but at least they were listening enough to roll their eyes. Something might penetrate their membranes some day, and if not today then that is fine, because it seemed like there were so many other students that were engaged.
The other thing that happened last week was the Week 8 Roundtable Meeting for Mentors. It was cool because the focus was diversity in our mentor sessions and I tapped in to some anger that I hadn’t totally realized was there. We were asked to finish this sentence: My experience with diversity in my mentoring this year has been… and my completion of that sentence led me on a lengthy tangent comparing the most underprivileged school in our program to the most privileged.
I am cautious to name names, but in order for me to explain what I mean well, I must divulge this information. My visit from two days prior with Jeff was still fresh in my head, and I realized how much the injustice and class differences between Jeff and a school like Westview makes me feel sick. There really is an ingrained level of inferiority with the Jeff students, and what I mean by that is that they work SO hard and we recently learned in a round about way that some of them are taking night classes at PCC but they don’t talk about it; it makes me wonder if they don’t talk about it because they lack confidence or if it is because they don’t want to jinx it. When Westview visited the students were all so open and willing to share which private schools they applied to, and I don’t really mean to pick on them, because that is wonderful for them but why is it that the Jeff students don’t openly dream big? There is an MP student who is applying to Harvard just to see if she gets in, she feels confident enough to take a chance, why don’t Jeff students? Is it because they are more financially aware then the other students? When I was exploring these feelings on Friday I thought I felt anger towards the privileged students but could not explain why very well, but on second thought I realize that it is totally unfair of me to get angry with them- they are the lucky ones, what I am really angry about is the system. We know that first generation college students need more preparation and encouragement than students whose parents went to college in the States, so why don’t the districts give it to them? The instructors work SO HARD and do everything in their power to give the Jeff students an equal opportunity, but there are some things that are beyond their control, and rest with the district and with the nation in terms of funding and the creation of special programs. But then there is that other element I mentioned which is more of a societal problem that does not allow these students (who by the way are mostly African-American) to be confident with their academic abilities. There was an article in the last Vanguard that spoke to this so eloquently (I can make a copy for you if you’d like), and M and I would like to bring the author in to have this kind of open discussion with the students. The article was about how he, as a Black male in higher ed, has been called a sell-out by other people in his community because his success in academics. He most powerfully explores this accusation in his article by looking at the media portrayals of successful Black men. It is such a fitting article and I really hope to give the students some food for thought through it.
